Ethlie Ann Vare: Too Sexy For My Shirt

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Ethlie Ann VareFilm and TV writer and producer; author, 'Love Addict: Sex, Romance and Other Dangerous Drugs'

GET UPDATES FROM Ethlie Ann Vare   Like 74 Too Sexy For My ShirtPosted: 05/29/2012 11:56 am React Amazing
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I am not a member of the Mile High Club, but I once made a crash-landing because I was making out with the man who was supposed to be manning the controls -- not man-handling the passenger. We left the bent and battered plane in a field, walked to the nearest motel, introduced ourselves to one another at the reception desk, and checked in together.

He wasn't much of a pilot, but he had serious dimples and a killer smile. For longer than I like to remember, my grounds for making major decisions coalesced around hair, dimples and cheekbones, and it took more than a plane crash to bring me to my senses. It took years of turning my will and my life over to some man or other until I finally, as they say, got sick and tired of being sick and tired.

What I didn't know was that, as a love addict, I had organized my whole life around my addiction. Everything I did was part of a strategy to feed the need for attention and affection, whether I realized it or not. Generally, I did not. Those dimples and that smile were my food and water. Without them, it felt like I would starve to death.

And since it is tantamount to survival, every choice a love addict makes -- what to wear, what to eat, where to work, what to read, what to watch -- in somehow in service to finding (or keeping) him. Him or her. Men can be love addicts too, you know. Or are you seriously going to tell me you shelled out for that chick-magnet car because of the engineering? We both know you're not wearing those skinny jeans because they're comfortable.

Think about it. It's not only our clothes and cars that we choose based on how they impact our desirability. What about our neighborhood? Ever moved to be near a special someone, or because there were a lot of hot guys/gals in the area? What about your choice of school? I personally passed up a chance at a Harvard education because I would have had to enroll in the then all-girls Radcliffe, and there are no boys at an all-girls school, are there? In retrospect, I'd have to say that was a bad call. So was not wearing my glasses in junior high school, because looking good seemed more important than seeing well.

Sex and love addicts pick sexy, lovable careers and sexy, lovable pets. We buy sexy, lovable furniture for our sexy, lovable homes. Odds are that some childhood crush or other formed our musical tastes, and a lover's compliment or criticism determined our hairstyle. The quantity of food we eat and the type of beverage we drink... there wasn't a thing in my day that wasn't colored by my need to be desired and my desire to be needed.

When you get to the point of "I'm not gonna take it any more," you have a hell of a lot to untangle. What do PDCMF (Please Don't Come F Me) shoes even look like? You mean there are undergarments other than bustiers and garters? Who knew?

Don't get me wrong. I still have a drawerful of lingerie suitable for hooking in Vegas. I just don't wear it for, say, hiking. I have learned -- slowly, and at times painfully -- to make decisions based on criteria other than hair, dimples, cheekbones and getting someone to smile at me.

  This Blogger's Books from Love Addict: Sex, Romance, and Other Dangerous Drugs
by Ethlie Ann VarePatently Female: From AZT to TV Dinners, Stories of Women Inventors and Their Breakthrough Ideas
by Ethlie Ann Vare, Greg Ptacek    

Follow Ethlie Ann Vare on Twitter:www.twitter.com/LoveAddict_Book

FOLLOW WOMEN Like 12k   Get Alerts #ad_bottom_article_text {margin-bottom: 15px} Love & SexHumorSexAddiction and RecoveryI am not a member of the Mile High Club, but I once made a crash-landing because I was making out with the man who was supposed to be manning the controls -- not man-handling the passenger. We left th...I am not a member of the Mile High Club, but I once made a crash-landing because I was making out with the man who was supposed to be manning the controls -- not man-handling the passenger. We left th... More in Women...
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of our newest badge: Community Curator. View AllFavorites Recency |  Popularity This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program notaniceguyI am Top 5 in obedience19 Fans 5 hours ago ( 5:53 PM)The good news is that you did not have those preservatives in you (brain) so you could grow and evolve. The bad is that the lack of those preservatives will cancel the need for lingerie.notaniceguy: The good news is that you did not have thosehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/social/notaniceguy/love-addiction_b_1547069_157900738.htmlHistory |Permalink |Share itThis comment has been down-ranked into oblivion. View comment You have not right to carry out this operation or Error this operation. Loading comments… HUFFPOST SUPER USERabra196763 Fans 07:52 PM on 05/29/2012I laughed out loud at least 3 times. Let's just say I can relate. Right now it's ok to have lingerie that know one knows about but me. And yes, I do have a hell of a lot to untangle....abra1967: I laughed out loud at least 3 times. Let's justhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/social/abra1967/love-addiction_b_1547069_157672638.htmlHistory |Permalink |Share itThis comment has been down-ranked into oblivion. View comment You have not right to carry out this operation or Error this operation. Loading comments… JR1126actor, author of Shut Up & Dance!186 Fans   12:22 PM on 05/29/2012I love your posts Ethlie. You are a such a great writer--honest, funny and TRUE!JR1126: I love your posts Ethlie. You are a such ahttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/social/JR1126/love-addiction_b_1547069_157567816.htmlHistory |Permalink |Share itThis comment has been down-ranked into oblivion. View comment You have not right to carry out this operation or Error this operation. Loading comments…    new comment(s) on this entry — Click to refreshLoading comments… FOLLOW US Connect with your friends Check out stories you might like,
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